jokes

Need a break? Stop in here and have some fun.
User avatar
short black hair
Posts: 1403
Joined: Sun Mar 06, 2005 12:24 am
Location: phoenix
Contact:

Post by short black hair » Wed Jul 27, 2005 1:38 am

The pope and a lawyer are on the elevator to heaven. When they arrive at the gates, there's a mad rush of angels, saints, and other holy people on their way to greet them.
When they arrive, they pick the lawyer up on their shoulders and carry him off cheering hysterically. The pope is deeply saddened.

St. Peter sees this and goes over to him and says, "Don't feel bad. We get popes in here all the time, it's not every day we get a lawyer."
Image

User avatar
short black hair
Posts: 1403
Joined: Sun Mar 06, 2005 12:24 am
Location: phoenix
Contact:

Post by short black hair » Wed Jul 27, 2005 2:14 am

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail, and he tripped over a large snake and fell, KerPlop!, right on his twitchy little nose. "Oh, please excuse me!" said the bunny. "I didn't mean to trip over you, but I'm blind and can't see."

"That's perfectly all right," replied the snake. "To be sure, it was my fault. I didn't mean to trip you, but I'm blind too, and I didn't see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?"

"Well, I really don't know," said the bunny. "I'm blind, and I've never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out."

So the snake felt the bunny all over, and he said, "Well, you're soft, and cuddly, and you have long silky ears, and a little fluffy tail and a dear twitchy little nose... You must be a bunny rabbit!"

Then he said, "I can't thank you enough, but by the way, what kind of animal are you?"

And the snake replied that he didn't know, and the bunny agreed to examine him, and when he was finished, the snake said, "Well, what kind of an animal am I?"

So the bunny felt the snake all over, and he replied, "You're hard, you're cold, you're slimy and you haven't got any balls... You must be a lawyer."
Image

User avatar
twistinside1980
Posts: 1760
Joined: Sat Aug 21, 2004 5:02 pm
Location: Knoxville, TN

Post by twistinside1980 » Wed Jul 27, 2005 7:04 am

ok I'll pitch in....

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes???


Nothing. You've already told her twice.
Breathin' fire doesn't look good on a resume.

User avatar
Rock
Posts: 1996
Joined: Sun Dec 07, 2003 5:32 pm
Location: Portland Metro

Post by Rock » Wed Jul 27, 2005 10:45 pm

ouch that was harsh, i know a few like that but im not sure if im ready to cross that line yet.


how do you tell the differance between a bad parachutist and a bad golfer?

the golfer goes WHACK - DAMN
a bad parachutists goes DAMN - WHACK
Spongebob is not a contraceptive -(Simpsons)

Flowers the painted whores of the plant world - Homer Simpson

User avatar
short black hair
Posts: 1403
Joined: Sun Mar 06, 2005 12:24 am
Location: phoenix
Contact:

Post by short black hair » Thu Jul 28, 2005 1:38 am

January 12, 1993

San Francisco police arrested Russell C. Sultan in July and charged him with attempting to extort $23,000 from his mother and girlfriend by claiming to have been kidnapped for ransom.

After tracing telephone calls, police, guns drawn, burst into a motel room to find Sultan casually eating fried chicken and watching a 49ers football game.

Sultan said the kidnappers had merely left him alone for a while, and exclaimed to the officers, "What took you so long?"
Image

User avatar
short black hair
Posts: 1403
Joined: Sun Mar 06, 2005 12:24 am
Location: phoenix
Contact:

Post by short black hair » Thu Jul 28, 2005 1:42 am

An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.

A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.

"All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards."
Image

User avatar
EverclearGTFABA
Posts: 1031
Joined: Sun Dec 07, 2003 8:39 pm
Location: Upstate New York
Contact:

Post by EverclearGTFABA » Thu Jul 28, 2005 10:39 am

[/quote="twistinside1980"]ok I'll pitch in....

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes???


Nothing. You've already told her twice.[/quote]

hahahah! :lol:

User avatar
EVERGIRL94
Posts: 366
Joined: Tue Oct 14, 2003 8:44 am
Location: Bradford, PA

Post by EVERGIRL94 » Thu Jul 28, 2005 3:42 pm

Why do people you like to have sex with animals pefer deer?


because the get the most bang for their buck!
You make me hate what I see, when I see me.


If everything has been said and done, then why is nothing resolved or solved?

User avatar
twistinside1980
Posts: 1760
Joined: Sat Aug 21, 2004 5:02 pm
Location: Knoxville, TN

Post by twistinside1980 » Fri Jul 29, 2005 7:43 am

What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom???

A pickpocket "snatches watches"

Don't get it??? see rock's last joke for similar punchline.
Breathin' fire doesn't look good on a resume.

User avatar
twistinside1980
Posts: 1760
Joined: Sat Aug 21, 2004 5:02 pm
Location: Knoxville, TN

Post by twistinside1980 » Fri Jul 29, 2005 11:34 pm

here's a link for a practical joke. it's pretty funny. don't take offense SBH. :D

http://www.putfile.com/media.php?n=mexicano
Breathin' fire doesn't look good on a resume.

User avatar
the_laughing_world
Posts: 1996
Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2004 2:15 pm
Location: tejas
Contact:

Post by the_laughing_world » Sat Jul 30, 2005 12:19 am

:lol: that was hilarious. dave, even for u would think its great haha

User avatar
Eager To Please
Posts: 1296
Joined: Fri May 14, 2004 10:25 pm
Location: JMU
Contact:

Post by Eager To Please » Sat Jul 30, 2005 2:52 pm

hahaha
that was awesome
:lol: :lol: :lol: hilarious
H&H Fantasy Football : 0-2

Image

www.myspace.com/cochisechilipepper

User avatar
Rock
Posts: 1996
Joined: Sun Dec 07, 2003 5:32 pm
Location: Portland Metro

Post by Rock » Sat Jul 30, 2005 3:04 pm

that was some funny stuff man :lol:
Spongebob is not a contraceptive -(Simpsons)

Flowers the painted whores of the plant world - Homer Simpson

User avatar
short black hair
Posts: 1403
Joined: Sun Mar 06, 2005 12:24 am
Location: phoenix
Contact:

Post by short black hair » Sat Jul 30, 2005 7:07 pm

the_laughing_world wrote::lol: that was hilarious. dave, even for u would think its great haha
actually no, i mean nvm. i just think it was a racist thing. but thats what i think.
Image

User avatar
twistinside1980
Posts: 1760
Joined: Sat Aug 21, 2004 5:02 pm
Location: Knoxville, TN

Post by twistinside1980 » Sun Jul 31, 2005 12:05 am

There are a couple of sites with crazy videos like consumption junction and banged up. But be careful there's pr0n on those sites.
Breathin' fire doesn't look good on a resume.

Post Reply