It was a dark and stormy
night. But someone--something--was unfazed inside the small
little room inside the large mansion on Cherry street. And
that person--that thing--was saying something.
I was just on my way down
the block, with some Everclear playing on my portable CD
player, when I noticed that that entity was saying something.
I couldn't hear what he--it--was saying, so I went in to
investigate. I had heard that there were ghosts that haunted
the mansion on Cherry street, but everybody knows that ghosts
melt when it's raining, so I wasn't scared at all. I crept
into the small little room when I finally saw him--my dentist.
"Hey Greg," he
said. "Hey doc," I told him. "What's up?"
"Well," he said, "I was just saying that
I had a cavity." "Ouch," I said. "Bummer.
Especially for you, your being a dentist and all."
"Yeah," he said. "I'm going to try to fill
it right now. Would you like to help?" "Sure,"
I said. "Could I then charge you an obscene amount
of money?" "Yeah," the dentist said. "I
just hope that I'm still alive when you're finished."
This caught me by surprise--so he had to get a cavity filled.
Big deal. And he, a dentist--my dentist--of all people.
Afraid to get a cavity filled. Honestly. So I asked him
what he meant. Well, as it turned out, he had a right to
be scared, and I'll tell you why. Since he was a dentist,
he had to have perfect teeth. If he didn't, then he would
be a hypocrite, and the world would blow up. You know what
they say: "Hypocrisy makes the world blow up."
(That's just an old wives' tale though. The real reason
in this story is because he's a dentist, and if a dentist
is proved infallible, the world will blow up.) So anyway,
I was kind of nervous, but I filled that cavity. Yeah. I
filled it up good. And I got me this really nifty check
from my dentist for 2000 dollars. It was cool. So anyway,
I went outside, and it had stopped raining. "Crap,"
I immediately thought. "The ghosts are going to come
out now." And they did. Crap indeed. One of them floated
up to me and told me, "Beware this place. It is dangerous."
"Okay," I told it, and it went on its way, and
I on mine. I told you the mansion on Cherry street was scary.
Like, remember that time when my friend Jerry and I went
to the mansion on Cherry street? We didn't come out alive...
Well, okay, I did, but Jerry didn't live to see the light
of another day. Legend has it that Jerry is still waiting
in there, somewhere.
Waiting in there for blood.
(It was his favorite snack on those long, hot summer days.
Seriously--just a couple of ice cubes, a knife, and a glass
to put everything in, and you're set.) So don't go anywhere
near the mansion on Cherry street.