Hungry and Hollow

Columns


Overwhelming

Overwhleming
Alone in Our World

by Julie Kazimer

Eugene, Oregon
October 1995

Alone in our world, no one can touch us here, pain is absent, love long gone, words meaningless and cold, drugs replacing the hole in our souls. Nothing rules my heart, my mind, my essence, except this needle, backed up with my blood.

Madness threatens, cold and peaceful, in its entirety, "Please…" he begs me, as I tie his arm tightly, grinning dreamily. He dies slowly of a junkie disease.

The room was frosty and dark, shivers racked my naked body. Bottles of pills, bloody needles, and broken glass littered the floor around me. His face, alive and full of promise, staring from a broken picture frame, judging me, finding me wanting, laughing at my attempts to climb out of the gloom, please, I beg.

The drugs ruling my psyche, my soul caught in the layers of hell, I have created. Scar tissue covering my once clean, white skin, see what I have become, I raged at myself, a ghost in a dying world.

Remembering our time together, recalling the first time you said, I love you. Remembering the day you died, in a hospital for the walking dead.

Sitting on the bed, holding a pistol loosely in my soft, pale hand, my life is salvage, saved by the words spilling from a cheap plastic stereo. A voice speaking to me, a voice speaking the words I had wanted to tell him, wanted to scream at him time and time again, begging to leave our fucked up world:

Let's just drive your car
We could drive all day
Let's just get the hell away from here
For I am sick again-
Just plain sick to death
Of the sound of my own voice
We could leave behind
Another wasted year
Just get some cheap red wine
And just go flying…

…Forget about all the memories that keep you down
Forget about them
We could lose them in the
Sparkle and Fade…

My choice is made, throwing the gun, back onto the bed. Waking up from a fog, walking out the door into the weak sunlight, looking at the map, finding Summerland.

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