Hungry and Hollow


Good Times with Greg
Good Times with Greg
The Dark and Stormy Night,
and my madcap adventures upon my arrival at the mansion on Cherry street

by Gregory C. Hundemer

     It was a dark and stormy night. But someone--something--was unfazed inside the small little room inside the large mansion on Cherry street. And that person--that thing--was saying something.

     I was just on my way down the block, with some Everclear playing on my portable CD player, when I noticed that that entity was saying something. I couldn't hear what he--it--was saying, so I went in to investigate. I had heard that there were ghosts that haunted the mansion on Cherry street, but everybody knows that ghosts melt when it's raining, so I wasn't scared at all. I crept into the small little room when I finally saw him--my dentist.

     "Hey Greg," he said. "Hey doc," I told him. "What's up?" "Well," he said, "I was just saying that I had a cavity." "Ouch," I said. "Bummer. Especially for you, your being a dentist and all." "Yeah," he said. "I'm going to try to fill it right now. Would you like to help?" "Sure," I said. "Could I then charge you an obscene amount of money?" "Yeah," the dentist said. "I just hope that I'm still alive when you're finished." This caught me by surprise--so he had to get a cavity filled. Big deal. And he, a dentist--my dentist--of all people. Afraid to get a cavity filled. Honestly. So I asked him what he meant. Well, as it turned out, he had a right to be scared, and I'll tell you why. Since he was a dentist, he had to have perfect teeth. If he didn't, then he would be a hypocrite, and the world would blow up. You know what they say: "Hypocrisy makes the world blow up." (That's just an old wives' tale though. The real reason in this story is because he's a dentist, and if a dentist is proved infallible, the world will blow up.) So anyway, I was kind of nervous, but I filled that cavity. Yeah. I filled it up good. And I got me this really nifty check from my dentist for 2000 dollars. It was cool. So anyway, I went outside, and it had stopped raining. "Crap," I immediately thought. "The ghosts are going to come out now." And they did. Crap indeed. One of them floated up to me and told me, "Beware this place. It is dangerous." "Okay," I told it, and it went on its way, and I on mine. I told you the mansion on Cherry street was scary. Like, remember that time when my friend Jerry and I went to the mansion on Cherry street? We didn't come out alive... Well, okay, I did, but Jerry didn't live to see the light of another day. Legend has it that Jerry is still waiting in there, somewhere.

     Waiting in there for blood. (It was his favorite snack on those long, hot summer days. Seriously--just a couple of ice cubes, a knife, and a glass to put everything in, and you're set.) So don't go anywhere near the mansion on Cherry street.

Check out the rest H&H's columns section. You can read more of Greg's writtings here.

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