Hungry and Hollow


My exclusive interview with Art Alexakis

     I know it's been a while since my last installment of The Twistinside, but I have a good reason for my untimeliness, I have an exclusive interview with Art Alexakis. Before you read any further, I must warn you that my interview was a no holds barred journey into the mind of the man called Alexakis. No questions were too much for me to ask, no detail was too intimate, this is a real fans interview, not some puff piece. I hope everyone enjoys reading this as much as I did conducting this interview.

     Please note that this interview is conducted in the question/answer format. I ask a question which will be denoted by having H&H: in front of it, and Arts answer will have Art: in front of it. Between my question and Art's answer, I will leave a blank space as to make the reading of this interview easier. I will also be leaving a blank space between Art's answer and my next question to once again make the reading of this interview easier. Proper grammar, capitalization, and punctuation will be adhered too as much as possible to promote the easy reading of this interview, and to show the fact that I have received a good education throughout my life.

H&H: I'd like to start off by thanking you for taking the time out for me to do this interview with you.

Art: No problem.

H&H: Just an advanced warning, I'm going to try to conduct a no holds barred interview. If my questions go over the line, you'll have to let me know.

Art: OK.

H&H: I mean I'm going to conduct a real fans interview, not some puff piece.

Art: Right.

H&H: There's no detail that will be too intimate for me to ask.

Art: Gotcha.

H&H: I'm not going to pull any punches, I'm going to go straight for the throat, right to the…

Art: Can we just get started?

H&H: Oh, right. Sorry about that.

Art: No problem.

H&H: I'm just a little excited right now. Getting to interview you and all.

It's OKArt: I understand.

H&H: I'm also a little bit nervous. This will be really big for my site

Art: I'm sure it will.

H&H: I'll probably get like a few thousand hits just from this interview. I mean this could…

Art: Sorry, but could we just get back to it?

H&H: Back to what?

Art: The interview.

H&H: Oh, right sorry about that. Um, let me look of my questions. No. Not that one. No. Too common. Not specific enough. That one is just stupid. Oh, here's a good one.

Art: OK, let's hear it.

Your insipation?H&H: OK, what band would you give the most credit to for inspiring your musical style?

Art: Probably Cheap Trick. They are amazing. I remember…

H&H: Yeah! You know they just put out a double album to celebrate their 25th anniversary?

Art: Yeah, I'm on the album. I helped them during a cover of The Beatles' Day Tripper.

H&H: Really? I mean I know that. I just wanted to give you an opportunity to promote your appearance on that album.

Art: Right.

H&H: So who's the better musician; Brittney Spears or Christina Aguilera?

Art: What?

H&H: Nevermind. What would you say is wrong with the music industry right now?

What the f...Art: Well for one thing I think...hold on. Let's back it up to that last question. I thought it was only going to be hard edged questions with you. You call that hard edge? That's lamer then some of the questions I've been asked on a Yahoo! Chat. What the hell kind of question is that?

H&H: It was an icebreaker.

Art: Icebreaker?

H&H: A lighthearted question, that will get your guard down, so I can slip in and drop a bomb on you. You know an icebreaker.

Art: OK, if you say so.

Ice cream: Like or love?H&H: Right, now on with the interview. Would you say you like ice cream, or you love ice cream.

Art: Icebreaker?

H&H: Maybe. If you want it to be, yes.

Art: Like, I guess.

H&H: What type of shampoo do you use?

Art: What the hell are you doing?

H&H: Sorry, I just thinking out loud. Craig, what do you look for in a girl?

Art: Craig isn't here. I'm Art.

H&H: Right sorry. Don't you hate quitters?

I'm not a quitter.Art: Quitters? Well I don't hate them; I'm just not one. If you look at my songs, none of my characters ever give up. They never give in. They get pushed around, kicked down, but they get up dust themselves off, and keep on going. I think that's how I would describe myself. I refuse to give up.

H&H: No, quitters. You know, socks when the elastic at the top has broken, and they just won't stay pulled up. I hate that.

Art: Billy, who booked my interview with this guy?

Billy: I…I'm not sure. He just showed up, said he had an interview. I just thought…

Art: Personal assistants get paid to make sure stuff like this doesn't happen.

Billy: I'm sorry, I…

Art: This interview is over.

H&H: Well, I think I've covered all the bases I wanted to. I appreciate your time, and thank you for…

Art: Would you just leave?

H&H: It's really a pleasure. I'd like to do another one of these interviews soon.

Art: Security!

H&H: Maybe Craig would like to do an interview with me. Greg?

     At this point Art had to leave, and a nice man with a gun and a shiny badge, who I believe to be Everclear's manager Darren Lewis, escorted me out of the building. All in all, I'm proud to say that I think that this interview is one of the best, and most complete interviews I've seen. I've also received word of a restraining order from Art. I'm not really sure what that is, but I think it means Art wants to do another interview.

     Until next time, thanks for reading and be sure to check out the rest H&H's columns section, which includes my previous The Twistinside columns as well as columns written by fans like you and I.

Wow! You are either reading my source code, have very good eyesight, or have done the smart thing and copied this text into some form of a text editor. Anyways, now that you've read my interview and taken it all in, I'd like you to do me a favor and take a look at the logo for my column, The Twistinside...the one with the silly picture of me (it was the worst picture I could find). While you look at it, you should notice the words "the truth" appears in there a couple of times. But each time the word is twisted, or stretched. You got it? No? Let me explain. I made up this whole interview. It was all a joke, created to amuse myself, and people with a twisted humor such as mine. I hope you really didn't believe what you just read, and if you did believe it, I'm glad you read this portion of the page. But then again you are smart enough to have figured out a way to read this, so you probably didn't believe it. That's bingo for you!
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